Divorce is often devastating, especially if you feel this action was sprung on you when you were happy before, and/or it involves infidelity. Even if you needed to initiate the divorce, you may feel many negative emotions about it. There are ways you can make peace with it, though, and be able to move on.
Coping with Conflicting Emotions
If you found out suddenly about a mate's infidelity and desire to be with someone else, it can feel as painful emotionally as an amputation of a limb feels physically. This is not hyperbole to someone who has been through it. It can be as devastating as a death, only more confusing because you have to deal with rejection at the same time. It is a natural reaction to feel anger at the person who is responsible for initiating the break up.
Most people have been indoctrinated from birth to believe that justice involves punishment to people who lie, abuse, cheat, or otherwise hurt other people. Watching someone who has hurt you go on to be happy with someone else can indeed mess with your head and heart.
Unfortunately, these negative emotions can cloud your mind at a time when you need a clear head the most, because you will be needing to find good legal counsel, obtain financial guidance, and to work on custody arrangements for the children, if you have them. The negativity also hurts you a lot more than it would anyone else if you can't get past it.
This would be a good time to get some counseling and, if money is tight, you should be able to find a social worker or psychologist at a sliding fee clinic in your area who can see you on a regular basis. If you have children, they may need to talk to a professional as well.
Many people have also found that regular practices of journaling, taking long walks, and meditation to help immensely.
Filling the Vacuum
You can't just banish negative thoughts and feelings without replacing that head space with something better. You have to make a concerted effort to think better thoughts. Affirmations or memorized scriptures repeated often can sooth an anxious spirit.
You may have heard that if you are past a certain age, it is more likely to be struck by lightning than to find another partner. The thing about lightning is: Benjamin Franklin proved long ago that there are things you can do to attract it. Plan to build a new social life, work out, and fix up a little. Go to funny movies with your kids and friends. Laugh. These things will make you feel and be more appealing.
Life events like divorce also have their advantages. You are free to choose a new trajectory for your life: to go back to school, start a business, relocate, or do other things without feeling like you have to consult a significant other. This is a time for growth and a fresh start. Learning and trying new things are excellent coping mechanisms that have helped a lot of people get through tough times.
To cope with the divorce itself, you will need a family/divorce lawyer, such as Granowitz, White & Weber Attorneys at Law, to help you get your fair share of the marital assets. Being too aggressive (think War of the Roses -- the film), or being too passive and naively thinking your ex will give your fair share, are both unwise attitudes to take. Your attorney can help you to become aware of your rights in the state you live in. Know that assertiveness and street smarts will bring you some grudging respect from the other parties involved.Share